A Day Late And A Doubloon Short

"Avast and welcome ye scurvy dogs! I be Cap'n Freaky-Ass-Naked-Fleshy-Feathery-Nipple-Eyed-Conjoined-Chicken-Man-Thing-Creature-Beast-In-Pixie-Boots and this be me conjoined first mate Jeremy and we be wanting to welcome you all aboard the good ship Plastic Pumpkins! Yoo hoo hoo and all that!"

"We all be in a Jolly Roger of a mood today what with it being Talk Like A Pirate Day, shiver my timbers and the like! So in honor of the occasion we be... just a moment, Jeremy... I say in honor of Interplanetary Talk Like A Pirate Day Jeremy and... not now Jeremy! I am speaking like a pirate! Can it not wait? ...but... I am very busy right... yes, but... oh, very well! What is it!?!

"Yesterday? No Jeremy, I am sure that you are mistaken..."

"No, Jeremy. Today is the 19th, tomorrow will be the 20th."

"I know that you know how to read a calender, Jeremy. I too know how to read a calender and I am telling you that today is the 19th."

"The 19th, Jeremy."

"No, it is the 19th! Jeremy, I am telling you- very well! Bring me my handy dandy three year checkbook calender!"

"See you there, Jeremy? It is Thursday the twe-"

"Oh, Jeremy. I am mortified...."

"Do you think that they are still there, Jeremy?"

"Perhaps if we hold very still then they will go away."

"They are not going away, Jeremy."

"Very well, Jeremy. If they will not leave than we must find a way to remove ourselves from the scene of my terrible humiliation while maintaining what is left of my dignity and sense of self-worth."

"Run, Jeremy, run!"

"I believe that we shall skip National Gorilla Suit Day, Jeremy..."

Safety First! (Racial Sensitivity Second)

I think the 1974 copyright date on the cover of this elementary school giveaway might be a bit misleading... I get the feeling that this very same booklet had been given out for many years prior. And while I got the exact same booklet when I was in the first grade this is actually my younger brother's copy. He wouldn't have been in the first grade until the early '80's... imagine how dated this thing seemed by then!

This page is creepy, right? It's not just me?





...hee, hee...


Because monkeys are highly explosive?

"Pedestrians" is not on the 1st grade vocabulary list.

So is "Hole" safe or not safe? Or does it just depend on the hole?

Urm... could the clown's line of sight be any more icky?

If you can get him to say his name backwards he'll have to return to his home dimension and stop stealing your kites.

Continuing our series of 'Clowns With Gouged-Out Eyes'

Circus Wow

What's scarier than a clown with his eyes popped out?

A clown without his eyes popped out.

"They all float down here, Georgie."

Game pieces that go along with a two-page gameboard that was too big to scan. Unlock the power of your imagination to create a gameboard of your very own!


Can you spot the copyright infingement?

I'm In The Mood For... Something Hallowe'en-ish That Rhymes With 'Love'

It's not even Labor Day yet and already visions of October Joys are dancing in my head... October Joys are a lot like Almond Joys only with candy corns in place of the almond. Don't steal my idea Peter Paul!... While it doesn't ever take much to put me in the Hallowe'en spirit, I do have to credit this year's unseasonably early excitement in large part to a trailer I recently stumbled across advertising a movie that I somehow managed to never have known to exist even though it is obviously going to be the greatest movie ever made!!! Now I don't normally get all hype-y and ecstatic over movies that haven't even come out yet... in the past I've been seriously burned by the sheer crappiness of every single movie that I've ever looked forward to seeing... but the recent all-dancing, all-singing, way-gay glory that was Hairspray has given me new faith in Hollywoodland and the pinstripe-suited and fedora-hatted men who work there and the busty, brassy babes who take their dictation. And while most of you scary movie loving types are probably already way ahead of me on this one I still present you (via YouTube and whoever it was that uploaded it there) with the orange and black hued goodness known as... Trick 'r Treat-




Wasn't that awesome? If you didn't think that was awesome just tell me right now and then leave here forever! Also, Anna Paquin dressed as Little Red Ridinghood? Tingly!

Unfortunately, the bad news is that Warner Bros. has just recently bumped this movie from it's original Oct. 5th release date and will now be releasing it sometime in 2008. I'm losing my faith! I'm losing my faith!!!

Fortunately, the good news is that I'm gearing up for another October full of Hallowe'en funshines here at the blog! And I even promise to cram in a few non-Hallowe'en posts in September as well 'cause in spite of my devil-may-care, toe-tapping attitude I feel really sad about how neglected poor little Plastic Pumpkins has been this summer. I'm a bad father... a bad, bad father.

A Story

Once upon a time there was a guy with a blog who lived in a place that was suffering through a really very most unpleasant wave of 100+ degree days, who's computer was in a room in his house that had no air-conditioning and only one tiny little window (Because he didn't want to muck up the aesthetics in the better ventilated areas of the house with his messy computer desk which is constantly piled up with old coloring books and action figures and board game pieces.) who found himself growing so dizzy, clammy and slightly breathless whenever he tried to stay in that tiny-windowed room long enough to even upload a cheesy "Make A [Blank] Version of Yourself" post to his blog that he decided to chuck the whole thing and spend all his free time at the local farmer's market throwing back glass after glass of refreshing plum bubble tea until the weather finally breaks...

He's also hitting the local Target every once and awhile, wherein he found the following Play Town Spider-Man & Friends wooden figures for sell at 4.99 a pair...

Aren't they cute? And only slightly out of focus and under lit. My camera's exhausted by all this heat, as well.

Also, he's seen "Hairspray" forty-seven times.

And he read The Deathly Hallows.

And he naps a lot.

The End.

Like Looking In A Mirror

I've tried all of those "Make a [insert name of popular television cartoon/comic strip/famous artist with distinctive painting style here] version of yourself" and I find it just a little bit sad that South Park me is the only one that comes close to resembling the real me. And by "resembling" I mean, Attack of the Clones. I should sue the South Park creators for copyright infringement on my body type.

And yes... I do enjoy a good lollipop, but mostly if there's bubblegum at the center of it.