Unidentified Flying Space Pirate U.F.O. Ogres From Space

Shogun Warriors Present the mighty Dragun starring in:

"The U.F.O. Invasion!"

or "Space Pirates." Whichever

What a pair of smug looking pricks. I hope something bad happens to them.

It's not so much that her father doesn't believe her, it's just that he can't get his mind off that dreamy new sandwich boy at the office.

Oh, dear! Apparently, turning on their lights is how females of the space ogre species indicate that they're 'open for business.'

"There's a tailpipe somewhere in great emotional distress!"

This picture is all kinds of wonderful and I don't even need to explain why!

Meanwhile, in SimCity...

The World Security Agency just poo'd themselves a little.

That is some awesome back fat the gentlemen in the background is sporting.

"Help me Dragun-Won... you're my only hope!"

Those wavy lines actually represent the dangerous amounts of microwave radiation that are constantly leaking out of Dragun's head spikes.

Colored on the Island of Misfit Crayolas

"Thanks for saving us, Dragun! Dragun? Why does it feel like my organs are broiling?"

My dog does the exact same thing to guests. It's so embarrassing.

"Zing, zing, zing went my shuriken..."

"Fwoooosh, fwoooosh, fwoooosh went my axe..."

That was a little too easy even for a coloring book.

"Zot, zap, zing went my heartstrings as I shot off a volley of darts!"

Oooooh. Genocide is all blue & pretty!

That'll teach you to hump our mass transit.

Cool! It looks just like the one that got et!

"Ha, ha, ha! A planet died today!"

Hey... that sounds just like 'dragon.'

If You Throw A Baby Shower On A Sunny Day Will There Always Be A Rainbow After?

A Scanner Darkly: A Play In One Act

Me: Hey, I never noticed before that you have a scanner!

Person Foolish Enough To Allow Me Into Their Home: Hmmm? Oh... yeah.

Me: What do you use this scanner for?

PFETAMITH: What? Just stuff.

Me: What 'stuff?'

PFETAMITH: I don't know... stuff. Stuff that I need to scan. Whatever. Stuff.

Me: You don't scan anything. I've never seen you scan anything.

PFETAMITH: You've never seen me drool in my sleep, either. Doesn't mean that I don't do it.

Me: What have you scanned? What was the last thing that you scanned?

PFETAMITH: I don't-

Me: This scanner is covered in dust! You never use this scanner!

PFETAMITH: I-

Me: You should give this scanner to someone who could really use it! Someone who hates going to Circuit City.

PFETAMITH: What the hell are you talking about? Who - hey! Why are you unplugging my scanner?

Me: Out of my way! There's important work to be done!







"Let us do our bottom next, Jeremy, and email it to everyone we do not like!"

She Had A Movie, Too! Really!

In honor of the new Hulk movie opening across America and for the benefit of those two seperate people over the last few days who Google-searched their ways here via the keywords 'she-hulk' (and for why you were sent here I don't know) here's an old pre-scanner-explosion scan of a pencil-by-number set from my childhood-



This is why I loved Little Kid Me... when faced with a display shelf full of Batman, Superman, Spider-Man & Captain America pencil-by-numbers I begged my mom to buy me the She-Hulk set for the simple fact that I didn't have any idea who the hell she was! Grown-Up-But-Still-Immature Me needs to be that adventurous. The next time I'm at the McDonald's drive-thru I'm not ordering the #8 I'm getting the #4. And I have no idea what that even is! God, I hope it's not the McRib.