Sunday, December 23, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Is Snowdrift still made? If it is, then I'd be glad to sell them that "Get The Drift!" tagline for a reasonable fee. It's just the sort of slogan they need to grab the attention of the hip young, extreme-sports-loving buying market that is the future of emulsorized vegetable shortening.
Spellcheck doesn't believe that 'emulsorized' is a real word and I'm tending to agree with it...
Friday, December 14, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
If you didn't love and adore that number above everything else you have ever seen or heard in your entire life, then you hate America and you can just go straight to Hell. Thank you.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Brought to you by Montgomery Ward, teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony since a couple of years after they saw Coke do it.
Christmas is dipping into Mommy and Daddy's stash.
'Shopping,' 'new toys' and 'dolls?' Who would have thought that a department store would have such a materialistic view of Christmas?
The strange thing is that nobody in this picture is wearing pants..
Christmas is parties.... parties in prison.
Kids were all about Cubism back in 1974.
I used to leave my crayons in a bowl out in the sun just to see what kind of swirly chunk of wax I'd end up with when they all melted together which is probably why I started coloring this page with a ballpoint pen.
I miss Montgomery Ward if for nothing more than the ultra-swank 'audio nook' our local store had back in the seventies. A dark little grotto that was covered wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling in blue shag carpeting and outfitted with not only the latest in home stereo systems, but also... oh, the glory of it all... disco balls! Stepping into this dark little den of stoner rock and Saturday night fevers always made me feel a little excited and dirty at the same time, like a sexless Playboy Mansion if I had even know such a place existed back then. And I probably did 'cause I was kind of a pervy little kid.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
When I got home and took another look I discovered that this was actually an educational tome from the '50's explaining the intricacies of ice cream mass-production to the public school students of Palos Verdes. Or maybe it's all about a burgeoning young lesbian's journey to self. It reads both ways...
When Mr. Dick says "ice cream" he really means "penises"
"See the rollers go round and round in what you so laughingly refer to as a 'track,' you ignorant little slut!"
Alice knows that it doesn't help to rush things when you're trying to make ice cream. It only puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the 'tanks.'
Sweeny Todd: The Satanic Soda Jerk Of Fleet Street
A machine that gets the job done better than girls or a hole in the wall that little Betty may peek through? Oh, which of these two things do I make fun of first!?! Actually, I think I'll just make fun of the fact that it looks like Betty's been asked to identify a body at the morgue... they don't usually make you slide the drawer out yourself, do they?
Between this guy's rosy cheeks and the hardening of the "ice cream" my brain is turning every line of this innocent little story into pure filth. To which dark corner of Hell do they send people like me?
So Uncle Bob's an enforcer?