Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Bride Of Satan

Here's today's completely random panel from a Broom Hilda comic strip!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Where In The World But Six Flags (Or The Castro)...

...could you ever see so much pink in one place? What's up with the pink, Six Flags Over Texas? That's too much pink! As if the background wasn't bad enough you had to go and spotlight various pink-ish things in the photographs, as well. What exactly are those pink blobby things that Jane Seymour and her toothy friend are so excited about? Why focus on the pink sky ride car when there are obviously other non-pink colored cars evident in the background? And why force your poor staff of underpaid high school students to parade around the park in pink candy striper outfits? (Although, I will admit that the cutie in the bottom right does manage to make the whole 'Gay Barbershop Quartet' look work for him.)

Was there a big sale on pink at the brochure store that day?

To add insult to my blog reader's injury... if pink had been one of the text-color options provided by Blogger then this whole post would have been in glorious "Techni-Pink Type!" Just imagine it!

Friday, November 24, 2006

In Memoriam Meleagris Gallopa

As Black Friday brings with it the official end of Turkey Week, I think that it's only fitting that we should all stop for a moment to honor those brave fowls who gave their lives so that we could give thanks for our blessings and o.d. on tryptophan all in one huge orgy of football, parade floats and food. Ladies and gentlemen, a minute of silence for the turkey...

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi, seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi... Mississippi looks really weird when you write it out a whole bunch of times in a row like that... seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, wait... eight, nine? Ten Mississippi? I've lost count...


Whatever. It's the thought that counts.

Speaking of thoughts and the counting there of- if anybody is interested in how my quest for cool Thanksgiving swag went this week, it didn't. There is no cool Thanksgiving swag out there. The closest I got was in one of the local Goodwill stores where I found a plastic kitchen plaque with a bible verse on it that was illustrated with a picture of an overflowing cornucopia. It was 50 cents. I couldn't bring myself to buy it.

There's always next year...

P.S. I Googled the Latin name of the wild turkey. I do not know the Latin name of things just off the top of my head. Please do not think that I am that person.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Bobbing Gobblers

It's Thanksgiving! Have yourself some turkey, play a little football, watch a parade or two and spend your evening quietly digesting as you play with your new 'Bobbing Gobblers' from the pages of this issue of Wow magazine...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Avoid The Buffet...

So, I've had this little Thanksgiving give-away booklet in my collection for some time and... well I just don't know what the heck Shoney's was thinking about when they gave these things out back in the early '80's. Was there not any kind of an editorial process in effect when they green-lighted this particular promotion, because this thing is just... well, I don't want to color your judgement with my own opinions so maybe you'd better read it for yourselves and then let me know what you think. Maybe it's just me...

If you are as offended by this whole thing as I am then please feel free to contact Shoney's and let them know how you feel.

I mean really...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Monday, November 20, 2006

Welcome To Turkey Week!

Turkey Week is here! Turkey Week is that much-beloved American holiday where we spend an entire week honoring and celebrating that venerable and sage fowl who (whom? that?) would have been the Official National Bird of America if that venerable and sage not-a-president-but-everybody-thinks-he-was Ben Franklin had gotten his way. If I had gotten my way then America's national bird would have been Big Bird, but when you've got John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin fighting over the subject then who's gonna listen to anything that I have to say? Plus, I can't sing a note.

Everything I know about American history I learned from 1776.

Turkey Week is great fun and is something that everybody should get into, even if you live in a country that doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving at all or else celebrates it in June like Canada does. Everything in Canada is screwy like that. Thanksgiving is in June, the clocks run backwards and the rivers flow with maple syrup. My point is- no matter who you are or where you live you should have a parade and kill a turkey some time before the end of the week. Who's it gonna hurt. Besides the turkey.

Now for some Thanksgiving posting. My first Turkey Week post is about all the cool Thanksgiving-related junk that I've collected over the years. Let's take a look-

And that's it. A tiny little pile of turkey-topped cupcake picks. That is so sad. That is so sad for Thanksgiving. I have an entire spare room full of Hallowe'en and Christmas decorations and the best I can do for Thanksgiving is a handful of plastic toothpicks that I keep in a Ziploc baggie in the kitchen junk drawer? It's the eternal misfortune of the middle child- overlooked, unloved and stuck in a drawer in the kitchen until days later when your mom finally realizes that he's missing and takes away all your comic books until you fess up to his whereabouts. I feel so bad for Thanksgiving. I think that I should do something for Thanksgiving...

Here's what I'll do- I will spend every free moment that I have this week scouring the local thrift stores, flea markets, antique malls and cutesy over-priced downtown gift 'shoppes' searching for at least one more cool Thanksgiving doodad. Somewhere out there a light-up plastic turkey is lying in a bin of gently used underwear with my name on it. And I mean of course that the underwear has my name on it as I donate all of my gently used underwear to charity. I will find that plastic turkey or that bobble-headed Pilgrim or that "____ Days 'til Thanksgiving" reproduction tin sign and I will proudly post a picture of it by week's end or else I'll fail trying!

This one's for you Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Tender Touch Of Freddie Flintstone

Kenner and the American Dental Association- introducing little girls to battery powered, no plug-in fun since 1974.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Cooked Goose (Original US title: The Mother Goose Murders)

A lot of pictures to load in today's post, but there was just no way that I was going to be able to edit down "Mother Goose Safety Rhymes" to my liking. To fully appreciate this little thrift found wonder you have to experience it in its full glory. What you are about to witness is thirty pages of death, dismemberment and nursery rhymes. It's not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. Mr. or Mrs. C. M. Bartrug does not believe in sugar-coating life's darker aspects to shield children's more delicate natures. C.M. Bartrug tells it like it is! Children, the World Is a Dark and Sinister Place Where Everyone and Everything Wants to See You Dead and Bleeding In The Gutters! This is Worst-Case Scenario Fairy Tale Theatre! The Gashlycrumb Tinies Do Mother Goose! This is your darkest nightmares come true!


Reefer madness! Reefer madness!

"My name is Talky Tina, and I think you should go get my shoe out of the road!"

At least Peg lived to tell her tale.

Agatha Christie called. She says that the body count in this book is getting out of hand.

And yet somehow I don't think that the poor dog will be hungry for long.

By the time Georgy Porgy could make it home the dog was quite full.

Native American, Asian, cross-dresser... I don't know what Little Tee Wee is supposed to be, but it's offensive.

Which will claim her first I wonder- infection or the poisonous spider bite?

How many Little Tees will the Wee family go through before the child welfare people step in?

Although originally published in the 1930's, this book managed to stay in circulation at the Westminster Presbyterian Church until the 1970's. In fact, according to the circulation card in the back, the very last time this book was checked out was the day after I was born! It was never returned. There must be some sort of significance in that...