19. Be Mine

A few Valentine's since I missed the day-

A Toucan Sam Valentine? Ida you're my hero!

14. Luv

This is what I was going to post on Valentine's Day... I had it scanned and ready to go, but I couldn't even find a couple minutes during the day to upload it. I need to budget my time more wisely.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine Peanut Butter

Just thinking about the amount of shared slobber that must be on that marshmallow makes me a little queezy....

If you are really good with the Photoshop than you can fiddle around with those last two pages until hey line up perfectly, front to back and then print them up and make your very own peanut shell Valentine! Let me know how that works out.

Love In The TIme Of DSM-IV IED

"Loooove American style- truer than the red, white and bluuuuuue! Loooove American style- for me and yoooooooou!"

"Tonight's episode: "Love & the Bitter Pill!"

"Oh, darling! That was the best night of love-making we've had since that weekend in Turkey!"

"Yeah babe, it was hot! Who knew you could learn those kinds of moves at an est course."

"Everything is just so wonderful right now. I... I'd hate for anything to ruin that..."

"Nohing's gonna ruin it, baby. Nothing!"

"Darling? I'm pregnant."

"What the-!?! Pregnant? But you told me that you were on the pill! I've seen you taking the pill!"

"Yes, I told you I was on the pill... I just didn't tell you which pill! Those pills are actually a mood-altering drug that I take to help control these homocidally violent emotional outbursts that I've been prone to since adolescence! I've wanted a baby for so long, but I knew that you didn't want to have children, so... so I lied to you and pretended to be on the Pill!"

"A mood-altering drug?"

"Yes. I only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me some how!"

"Forgive you? Forgive you!"

"Oh, HA HA HA HA HA! What a crazy mix-up this has all been!"

"I don't understand? What are you talking about, darling?"

"I thought that you were the one who didn't want to have kids! I've always loved the idea of becoming a dad one day, so for the past two weeks I've been switching your pills with Tic Tacs!"

"Wha-!?!"

"Oh, sweetheart! You've made me the happiest man in the world today!"

"Oh, darling!"

"So for the past two weeks I've been taking Tic Tacs instead of my medication? I thought that my breath has been extra minty the last few days!"

"Ha ha!"

"What a crazy, crazy mix-up!"

"Ha ha!"

"YOU BASTARD!!!!"

"GLUURG!"

"YOU SICK, PASTY-FACED, HILLBILLY PIECE OF *beep*!"

"My eyes-!!!"

"I'LL TEAR OFF YOUR LIMP LITTLE *beep* AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR *beep* THAT YOU'LL THINK THAT YOU'RE IN A PRISON PORNO!"

"No! I- ack! Gurgle..."

"Gurgle... gluck... wheeeeeeeeeze....... death rattle!"

"Okay... okay... breathe in the happy air! In with the happy air!"

"Mmmmmm.... aaaaaaaaahh!"

"Oh, baby! Always remember that your Daddy loved you!"


"And on a star-spangled night my love, you can rest your head on my shoulder-"

Hearts & Stickers

So, April 14th has rolled around once again. April 14th... the 14th day of April... that certain special day of the year when romance is in the air. That one day that is set aside each year to honor St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovebirds. Oh, the flowers and candy and cards that are being passed back and forth between sweethearts even as you're reading- I really don't know where I'm going with this....

Yes, it's two months late but I just picked up a baggie full of Valentine's cards and stickers in a thrift shop this week and knew it would be lost in some junk drawer by Valentine's Day so I figured that I'd just go ahead and post some of them today. I'm even going to use the traditional Valentine's pink font coloring starting riiiiight.... now!

This bag o'Valentine's most likely came from a girl seeing as how the majority of the cards were of the sickeningly sweet Mary Englebright/P. Buckley Moss/"Love Is..." school of design. Girls always bought Valentine's cards that were shamefully lacking in super-heroes, Star Wars characters or bad puns. However, this first batch of cards did benefit from a bit of interactive hide & seek fun-

And then there was this one oddball educational card stuck in amongst the rest. The only thing worse than educational cartoons is educational Valentine's...

The stickers that were in the bag managed a slightly higher score on the coolness scale, excepting this first one-

Snoopy, on the other hand, is always cool...

... as are fuzzy pink-flocked love monsters.

Strangely enough I once played sax in a little jazz combo that went by the name "The Love Phantom." We had those same t-shirts.

It kills me that I'll never know what that missing sticker looked like...

Happy Hallowtines!

I found these Hallmark Valentine's Day cards in a drawer full of junk a couple months back and immediately thought about what a cool Hallowe'en post they would make. Then I almost immediately thought that Valentine's Day cards, even ones featuring the walking undead, are probably better suited as a Valentine's Day post. Then a few seconds past immediately I thought about the chances that I might fall under a train between now and February and thus deprive the world of these two scans. I couldn't let that happen. I also couldn't waste a perfectly good Valentine's post either, especially since that holiday is going to be a lot harder to blog about than Hallowe'en. I'd like to get at least a week's worth of posts out of that particular holiday and to tell you the truth, I just don't have the material to get it done.

So I had a cool idea that will not only get me two post off of one subject but may also mean the end of all life as we know it. See, I posted these cards back in October and now that February has rolled around I'm re-posting that exact same entry with just a few cosmetic changes. Then I'll add a link in that old post that sends people back to this new post where I will have added a link that sends them right back to the October post which has a link that sends them back to this post... Moebius Loop! I'm not sure what will come of this exactly, but if enough people jump on this direct link merry-go-round at the same time then the Internet will probably collapse in on itself taking the rest of the universe along with it. And that could probably be interesting.