Saturday, June 28, 2008

Behind The Mascots: Secrets Of The SpokesStars- Exposed!

Another Friday night on the red rope circuit... another jug or three of store brand sangria... another morning coming to his senses face-down in a ditch along a stretch of country road that smelt of turkey houses and burning tires with his shoes and his wallet missing and yet another Spanish vulgarity tattooed onto his round, yellow bum...

In the privacy of his Hot Springs Village McMansion, the Wal-Mart Smiley Face thought that the tide had hit its lowest ebb... but a ruder awakening than any back-road dawn was soon to open his beady black eyes to the frightful wares which lay ahead of him in the aisle of self-destruction down which he'd long ago pushed the shopping cart of his life...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Unidentified Flying Space Pirate U.F.O. Ogres From Space

Shogun Warriors Present the mighty Dragun starring in:

"The U.F.O. Invasion!"

or "Space Pirates." Whichever

What a pair of smug looking pricks. I hope something bad happens to them.

It's not so much that her father doesn't believe her, it's just that he can't get his mind off that dreamy new sandwich boy at the office.

Oh, dear! Apparently, turning on their lights is how females of the space ogre species indicate that they're 'open for business.'

"There's a tailpipe somewhere in great emotional distress!"

This picture is all kinds of wonderful and I don't even need to explain why!

Meanwhile, in SimCity...

The World Security Agency just poo'd themselves a little.

That is some awesome back fat the gentlemen in the background is sporting.

"Help me Dragun-Won... you're my only hope!"

Those wavy lines actually represent the dangerous amounts of microwave radiation that are constantly leaking out of Dragun's head spikes.

Colored on the Island of Misfit Crayolas

"Thanks for saving us, Dragun! Dragun? Why does it feel like my organs are broiling?"

My dog does the exact same thing to guests. It's so embarrassing.

"Zing, zing, zing went my shuriken..."

"Fwoooosh, fwoooosh, fwoooosh went my axe..."

That was a little too easy even for a coloring book.

"Zot, zap, zing went my heartstrings as I shot off a volley of darts!"

Oooooh. Genocide is all blue & pretty!

That'll teach you to hump our mass transit.

Cool! It looks just like the one that got et!

"Ha, ha, ha! A planet died today!"

Hey... that sounds just like 'dragon.'