Saturday, September 06, 2008

Safety Second!

It's a sequel!

And like most sequels... it's a sad and artless rehashing of the original. This blog is now officially a creative wasteland.

The biggest problem with the National Child Safety Council's Official Safety Manual Ages 7-9 (1979 edition) is that it is 100% lacking in its predecessor's racially offensive stereotypes and scary-ass clowns which means that it is also approximately 85% less pokefunatable. There's your Word of the Day, Sparkle! Now go take some Nytol and chill out!








Bleah! I'm bored already...



I knew at least two kids who's parents kept dynamite around the house. I am not even kidding you. I'm from the South.




"Thunderbirds are stop!"




Never kick a squirrel down a flight of stairs.




HALLOWE'EN CAMEO!!!!!!

And for future reference... safe Hallowe'ens are not fun Hallowe'ens. I can speak from experience that the only truly fun Hallowe'ens are the ones that leave behind scorch marks and fresh welts.




I don't understand this crossword at all...







I can speak from experience that the only truly fun Christmases are the ones that leave behind sprained ankles and tinsel burns on your backside.




What's a 'dlley?'

Don't worry... there's nothing funny on the other half of the page, either.














Yoda fish!







I'm disheartened to learn after all these years that my beloved family pediatrician, Dr. Kluge, was not in fact a person who cares.

Dr. Bang maybe cared a little too much.




3 comments:

Sam said...

>>I knew at least two kids who's parents kept dynamite around the house. I am not even kidding you. I'm from the South.

Hmmm.. Me and who else?

Steven A. said...

Ooops... make that three kids!

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) All of the backwards words convince me that Satan was Chief Safety officer back then.
2) This theory is given credence by the two creepy little "Come and play with us, Danny" girls in the rowboat.
3) Am loving your photo gallery!
4) Ahem. Uh. Yes. Thank you very much for "pokefunatable." I deeply regret my rash, uncouthly capitalized comments. Thank you for the word. (WHERE IS THE PICTURE THAT GOES WITH IT?!)
5) Somehow, Sparkle has become the belligerent "Lucy" of Plastic Pumpkins' "Peanuts." I promise I'll work on it. Some sort of 12-step program to get me unhooked from my fanciful word addiction.
6) Somehow, Sparkle has also--unforgivably--started to refer to herself in the third person. Blargh.