Somewhere Between Christmas & The New Year...

"Which one of you kids have been spying on the neighbors every morning?"

"Not Me!"

"Ida Know!"

Never Too Late To Craft...

Christmas may be several days past, but I just couldn't wait an entire year to share some scans from a book that I dug out of the bottom of a bin full of dingy, half-priced stockings at a nearby Goodwill store. Crafters, be prepared to get an early jump on next year's projects!

79 pages filled with 90 different crafting projects that will make your home look authentically Colonial for the holidays... as evidenced by the examples pictured on the four full-colored pages bound into the center of the book...

Yes, even back in the 1700's clowns were designed for the soul purpose of terrifying small children.

Flower-covered stuffed lions were all the rage in the colonies...

... as were piteously deformed 'Nut People' and Korean needle cases. Did they have even have a Korea back then?

Jimmy shucks pigs and I don't care. What happens in Williamsburg stays in Williamsburg.

If anyone has a burning desire to recreate one of these folksy delights just let me know and I'll be glad to post the relevant instructions... or in the case of the nut people, just glue an almond to a pine cone and call it a night.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas Day In Mousetown

A few random pages from an old Walt Disney book which is missing cover and title page and will therefore have to go nameless for now. Anybody recognize it?

Egotistical jackass.

He talked! Pluto talked! It's a Christmas miracle!

Everybody-

"Put a little love in your heart!"

Now, just the left side of the theater-

"Put a little love in your heart!"

Eventually Horace would have to call for the paramedics while Goofy held Mickey's head still and Minnie shoved a spoon into his mouth to keep him from swallowing his tongue. Donald just laughed and slapped his knee...

Draw Santa!

Ed Emberley is the greatest artist who ever lived!

And if you don't already own a copy for yourself then you need to jump over to Amazon and order "Ed Emberley's Big Red Drawing Book!" And make sure that you overnight it so that it gets to your house before Christmas, because along with step by step instructions on how to draw fire trucks, space ships and walruses, there are also thirty pages full of Christmas-y things that you can draw using just a couple of squares and a handful of squiggles.

While you're waiting for the post man, let Ed show you how to make a Santa, a snowman and an angel-

The Trouble With Plastic Santas...

... is that they all have the same name. It's Santa. So what's the point in coming up with anything different. And as far as a back story goes it's pretty much all laid out already... jolly fat guy, elves, reindeer, 'Ho, ho, ho!' Where's the fun in coming up with humorous, tongue-in-cheek descriptions of these guys when several centuries of mythology and Coca-Cola commercials have cobbled together a better history than I could ever make up?

So instead of belabored prose I give you... artsy camera angles! Enjoy...

"Santa & The Space Men"

So you're wanting to know if I have anything of a UFO Christmas persuasion laying around the house, do you? Well it's funny you should ask... you're all probably familiar with the legendary and long thought lost to the ages late '50's short film "Santa & The Space Men, or How Mr. Claus Met The Elves." Well as it turns out, my recently deceased great uncle Nestor worked as a prop man on that same film (he propped up one of the trees in the background) and whilst dumpster diving on the studio lot a few weeks after production had wrapped Uncle Nestor came across a discarded copy of the film which he decided to hold onto as a small memento of the many long hours he spent working on the movie. I have recently re-discovered this brittle reel of film at the bottom of a trash bag full of old Highlights Magazines which my Uncle deeded me in his will... as this is the only copy of the film known to exist, I don't have to tell you that quite a fierce bidding war has erupted amongst several different parties who are all interested in restoring the film and re-releasing it for the enjoyment of a whole new generation of viewers! It may be quite awhile before the general public ever again lays eyes on this Yuletide classic in all its glory, but in the spirit of the season I'm posting a few screen caps from the film along with some snippets of dialogue so that visitors to this blog can get a small taste of the joys that await them! I hope that you come to love it as much as I do!

"... and the arthritis isn't making it any easier you know. Have you ever tried to carve a dolly from a hunk of wood? I don't know how much longer I can keep this up... those Eskimo folk I had working for me did a pretty good job of it, but the food bills alone nearly put me into bankruptcy. The price of blubber these days! I'm thinking of outsourcing all the work to Bangkok in the future..."

"You think making toys is a pain? Why don't you try shoveling manure all day long? I mean, isn't there anything other than magical corn that will make those things fly? They never stop pooping!

Woogi-woogi-woogi-woogi-woogi

"What the hell?"

Woogi-woogi-woogi-woogi-woogi

"Greetings Earthlings and bow before your new lord and master- Jingles, of the planet Elveron!"

"My crew and I have travelled from many stars away in order to claim this planet in the name of Elveron! We shall strip this tiny ball of rock of all it's valuable resources... most notably the snow and reindeer droppings which are all that we Elverons need consume in order to sustain life! If you do not attempt to interfere with our conquest we may favor you with the small hand-made children's amusements for which our race is acclaimed across the galaxies!"

"Jolly Elf to Angel One... we've got intruders in sector four."

"Your puny air force poses no threat to-"

ZZZZAAAAPPPP!!!

"Holy Sh-"

KAAA-BOOOM!

Whoooosh

"Take them to the workshop..."

"Well this blows."

The End!

Bonus Post! Behind The Scenes Of "Santa & The Space Men"

... or "How I Spent My Saturday Evening."

Christmas Highlights

Because you knew it was inevitable...