Tuesday, February 20, 2007

There Are No Cows On Yancy Street

More interactive fun from the House of Pumpkins! Read along with us today as we see what happens when farm life, gay rights and the Fantastic Four run head-long into one another! You can help the Fantastic Four by coloring in the black and white pictures! Use your imagination to add as many wonderful colors to the FF's world as you would like, just remember... the Thing is orange, Sue is blond and the FF's uniforms are blue! If you use colors other than these- you are wrong and people will probably make fun of you!

Hey kids! Remember to get Mom and Dad's permission before using crayons on the monitor!

Our story begins at the Baxter Building, where Reed Richards has an amazing idea! One that doesn't involve imprisoning his fellow super-heroes in some horrifying hell-dimension-

Reed, you insincere bastard...

Oh, no! It's the Pink Fink! Arch enemy of the Fantastic Four and general all-around scourge of goodness! His past battles with the FF have been epic! The stuff from which legends are born! You've just never heard of him before because of Marvel Comics' policy concerning gay characters!

Meanwhile... on a farm that couldn't possibly be anywhere near Happy Valley...

Whoa! That wasn't a 'tap,' Mr. Grimm!

The bull may have given you the cold shoulder, but at least the piggies still love you!

While Ben engages in some inappropriate behavior with the farm animals everybody's favorite homicidal-killing-machine-slash-kid-genius-companion-and-nanny draws attention to himself by exploring the surrounding countryside...

Could it be? Are the Fantastic Four really vacationing at the same gay dude ranch as their colorful nemesis? What are the odds!?!

H.E.R.B.I.E spirals out of control, the stony unforgiving ground barreling towards him! Is there no hope for the little robot?

Damn. I mean... Hurrah!

H.E.R.B.I.E recounts the last terrifying seconds to the rest of our horror-struck quartet, including the last thing he witnessed before plummeting earthward- a pink flash!

Stupid, stupid, stupid Susan... why are you so stupid?

Wow, that took you a lot longer than I thought it would. Did you have trouble with 12-Down?

Tee, hee... he said 'poof!'

How can you even get out of bed every morning knowing just how stupid you are, Sue?

"And have you seen Johnny anywhere recently?"

And the battle of the century ends!

Things look bad for the Fantastic Four! Is there anyone left who could possible be mighty enough to face down the dreaded Pink Fink?

H.E.R.B.I.E = Homo-Eradicating Robot, Babysits In Emergency.

I'll give you a hint... she's really, really stupid.


Bill said...

Oh, I just love old coloring books. I love how some of these pages are colored and some are not.

Steven Altis said...

All of my coloring books are only half-done. I have a short atten...

Rozum said...

Amazing! Marvel needs to collect that into a future volume of the Essential Fantastic Four.

If I were writing the Fantastic Four, I'd use the Pink Fink as a villain. I used a giant, ant-headed Superman from a coloriong book I had as a kid in a Superman story I did for DC.

This may explain why I haven't written any Superman stories for years. Hmm.

Steven Altis said...

Oh man, where and when did the 'giant, ant-headed Superman' story appear? It sounds so '80-Page Giants!...

"*sob* Superman has finally asked me to marry him, but how could I ever love a man with a giant ant head?"

"If only I could tell Lois the awful truth behind my giant ant head!"

'Can you guess the shocking secret of the ant-headed Superman!?!'

(My word verification for this comment was 'kilzap' which must be the sound a giant, ant-headed Superman makes when flying into a giant bugzapper.)