A Scanner Darkly: A Play In One Act

Me: Hey, I never noticed before that you have a scanner!

Person Foolish Enough To Allow Me Into Their Home: Hmmm? Oh... yeah.

Me: What do you use this scanner for?

PFETAMITH: What? Just stuff.

Me: What 'stuff?'

PFETAMITH: I don't know... stuff. Stuff that I need to scan. Whatever. Stuff.

Me: You don't scan anything. I've never seen you scan anything.

PFETAMITH: You've never seen me drool in my sleep, either. Doesn't mean that I don't do it.

Me: What have you scanned? What was the last thing that you scanned?

PFETAMITH: I don't-

Me: This scanner is covered in dust! You never use this scanner!

PFETAMITH: I-

Me: You should give this scanner to someone who could really use it! Someone who hates going to Circuit City.

PFETAMITH: What the hell are you talking about? Who - hey! Why are you unplugging my scanner?

Me: Out of my way! There's important work to be done!







"Let us do our bottom next, Jeremy, and email it to everyone we do not like!"