Thursday, April 26, 2007

Tales Of Fantastic Horrors! Part Five: Johnny Is Puzzled

Well... I know that there's been a bit of a gap between this, the final chapter of "Tales of Fantastic Horrors!," and the previous installment and I can offer you no better excuse than the fact that the annual Earth Day Pub Crawl got a little out of hand this year... I don't remember anything between the time I left my house on Saturday night and 10:47 this morning when I awoke on the floor of my attic with the taste of burnt mohair in my mouth and a piercing through a part of my body that I didn't even know could be pierced. If anybody saw me over the last few days please let me know what I was up to and whether or not the phrase "Morocco 72/8/35 Apple," which was written in blue Sharpie on my left shoulder blade, means anything to you.

So where were we?

Oh, yeah.

No, it's not safety that the Four find topside but rather...

... a giant missile!

Which turns into a giant spider right before it collides with Mr. Fantastic.
Somehow I think that the missile woulda hurt more.

Someone should have tried that move about 97 pages back...

Why would you think that hurling fireballs at a magical puff of smoke would do it anymore damage than it would to a regular old puff of smoke?

"Give us the slip once, Dr. Weird... shame on you! Give us the slip six times..."

So over the course of the next five pages, Reed deduces that the only place that Dr. Weird can be hiding is in the garage out back, because that's the only place they haven't already been and everybody knows that a super villain never strikes twice in the same room of his creepy mansion.

Arriving at the garage the FF find An Unbelievable Sight!-

Stymied by a carnival attraction...

"Johnny Is Puzzled?"

A mystery for the ages why the author thought that fact needed stating aloud.

And once again the Fantastic Four save the day by ducking!

Contemplating the horror of his enemy's eternal banishment to an alien dimension a light bulb suddenly goes off over Reed's head...

And then they all went home for snickerdoodles and Donkey Kong! The End!

So what did we learn from the Fantastic Four Big Little Book, "House of Horrors?" I learned that I will never, never, never, ever, never, ever, ever, never, never, ever, never, ever, never, never again, ever, ever, ever, never again... ever, ever attempt to scan an entire Big Little Book! Ever, ever, never, ever! Never! Ever!

Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again.


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