Sunday, April 22, 2007

Tales Of Fantastic Horrors! Part Four: The Wild, Wild World Of Dr. Weird!

Previously on "Tales of Fantastic Horrors!"-

I'll be upfront with you all... at this point in the story we hit a bit of a dull patch. I think it was around this spot that the author realized just how many pages there actually were in a Big Little Book 'cause the next couple of chapters are padded like the maximum security wing at Arkham. There's a whole lot of wandering around hallways and pointless chit chat that I'm just going to skip right over... it's all for the best.

So, Sue sets out to rescue her teammates. She finds a slowly re-awakening Ben who explains how he came to be lying unconscious in the middle of a pile of rocks-

-I'm assuming that he leaves out the part where he got his ass kicked by a chair.

Sue frees the dampened Johnny from the den next (And towels him off, I guess.) Then it's off to untangle her idiot husband-

So, Reed... where do you think Dr. Weird might be?

"Gawrsh, Mickey! I dunno!"

Sue is totally freakin' out, man!

Flash forward through about 47 pages of corridor wandering to-

It's the Evil Study of the Evil Dr. Weird!

"One million dollars... one night... I think you know where I'm going with this."

"I'm the only one that Sue has pity sex with!"

Let's see that puff of smoke slip out of -


The wily puff of smoke conceals himself behind a steel door that is so strong even the super-human might of the Thing cannot bring it down. Only the Thing's strength combined with that of three humans of average strength can hope to break it open!

The old 'No floor behind the steel door' trick! D'oh!

"Ceiling? Break? Thing no understand stretchy man's big words!"

The FF always start their days with an extra big bowl of Sugar-Frosted Stupid Flakes!

But is it truly safety that our four heroes will find waiting for them at the end of Reed's rubbery forearm... or something much, much, much, much, much worse? You'll only find out if you show up for the mildly thrilling conclusion to "Tales of Fantastic Horrors!"

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