The Naming Of Pumpkins: An Introduction

Out of all of the junk that I accumulate in a week's time most of it falls into the category of impulse purchases... meaning it was either discounted 60% or more off it's original cost or it was thrifted for less than five bucks. I'll buy anything priced according to either of those two criteria. There are actually only a few items that I consider myself a collector of... meaning that I actually enter a store or stop for a garage sale or browse eBay with the intent of purchasing an example of that item. One thing I collect are plastic Hallowe'en jack-o'-lantern buckets, i.e. those things for which this blog was named. This is not a nostalgia thing as I always trick or treated with a sack not a bucket, buckets are far too small for any kind of serious trick or treating. The kids with the buckets were the kids who had to run home after every sixth house and ended up missing house number seven. House number seven is always the house that gives out the full-sized Kit Kats.

As part of the whole big Hallowe'en thing going on this month I figured I'd introduce you to a few of the more interesting pumpkins in my collection. I'll be posting them sporadically throughout the month, two or three at a time. And yes I have named them all, it's a thing I do...

Today's post spotlights the basic no-frills version of the plastic pumpkin pail and it's descendants-

This first pumpkin pail is the pail against which all other pails are measured. He is the classic pail, the prototype pail, the benchmark pail if you will. Triangle eyes, triangle nose, jolly four-toothed smile. Every lazy cartoonist who has ever had to draw a jack-o'-lantern has drawn that exact same face. I should like to think that it comes as no surprise to you that I have named this fellow 'Jack.'

This jack-o'-lantern is actually a jill-o'-lantern. That's right, it's a girl. Please don't ask me how you go about sexing a plastic pumpkin-shaped bucket, that's something your parents should have explained to you years ago. You'll notice that the face on this pail is almost identical to the first one, just fleshed out a little. Same eyes, same nose, same mouth. On this pumpkin though, the eyes are not only topped with eyebrows, but they've got pupils as well. The mouth is even jollier, highlighted by dimples and chubby cheeks and the bottom teeth are slightly off center, which adds another small touch of character to this inviting face. Since this plastic pumpkin is basically a livelier version of the first plastic pumpkin, I'm calling her 'Jo' after Jocasta, the statue that was given life. I'm over thinking these things.


For years scientists and archaeolo-gist have been trying to discover the missing link that would tie the two pumpkins above together and I'm happy to announce that I've found that link at the bottom of a bin full of Bedazzled handbags and discarded mix tapes from the late '80's in a Salvation Army thrift store somewhere near Greensboro, N.C. That's him over there. You'll notice that his features retain the best bits from the original pumpkin while displaying a much more rudimentary version of the second's improvements. The dimples aren't dimply enough, the pupils are a bit square-ish and the eyebrows just aren't quite there yet, but it's definitely starting to come together. His name, and I know you all saw this one coming, is 'Link.'

That's it for the first batch. Next time around we'll focus on some size-ish anomalies in the world of the plastic pumpkin.