Monday, October 01, 2007

Meet Plastic Jack!

It's October the 1st and if you've ever perused the archives then you must know what that means- it's time to start a month long celebration of everything Hallowe'en-ish! And yes, I'm still using the obsolete apostrophe. In fact, if I ever sit down one day and write my memoirs I think that I'm going to title them "The Obsolete Apostrophe." Or is that 'entitle'... whatever, I'll let my editor sweat the small stuff.

This year's Hallowe'en fun will be much like last year's, but with a couple minor changes... this year's celebration has a name... I call it "Plastic Pumpkin's Hallowe'en Spooks-travaganza!" See what I did there? You were expecting "Spook-tacular," but I threw you a little curve ball. That's clever! The second thing that will set this year's festivities apart from last year's is our very own "Spooks-travaganza" mascot- Plastic Jack!

Come on out, little fellow. Don't be shy.

This is Plastic Jack. Isn't he adorable! Say hello to everybody, PJ.

I spied PJ in a glass display case in one of my local thrift shops and it was love at first sight! But when I asked the little old lady behind the counter if she would unlock the case and let me buy him she just turned all grey and sickly looking and said "No! No! For the love of all that is holy, no!" It was probably just 'cause he didn't have a price tag on him. I hate it when thrift shop employees are too lazy to check on a price, don't you?

Anyway, when I pulled into my driveway later that evening I heard a soft rustling sound coming from the back seat of my car and who do you think I see peeking his head up out of my plastic bag full of coloring books and souvenir mugs but little Plastic Jack himself. I guess that saleslady felt bad about her unhelpful demeanor and slipped him into my bag at the last minute.

So far Plastic Jack has been a wonderful little addition to the Plastic Pumpkin's family. He's hardly any trouble at all- always says please & thank you, never sasses back and always cleans up after himself. He does tend to scurry about the house late at night, which is a bit distracting when you're trying to sleep. In fact, he seems to be a lot more active during the night than during the day. He must be nocturnal...

It took awhile to figure out what he eats. He turned his nose up at luncheon meats and KFC and things got a little ugly when I offered him a can of Meaty Dog. After some trial and error I've found that he really thrives on a diet of candy corn and Strawberry S'Lime soda...


I'm sorry. I thought- I thought that you just said something about... blind children?

So... "Plastic Pumpkin's Hallowe'en Spooks-travaganza" won't-

Um, thank you. Anyway, we won't be the only ones celebrating Hallowe'en this year will we, Plastic Jack? A lot of our other favorite blogs will be joining in the fun with their own creepy cool Hallowe'en posts, won't they?

Ummm... sure they will, PJ. What about Neato Coolville, John, Secret Fun Blog, Branded In The '80's, Sam Riddleburger, Drunken Severed Head, & Senses Working Overtime?

Yeah, those guys will have tons of neat stuff to post over the next 31 days. Plus, a lot of them even went to the trouble to make logos for their Hallowe'en celebrations! I really should have made a logo for the "Spooks-travaganza"...

You made a logo? Cool! Let's see it!

Errr... that's not really so much a logo as it is just the words "Plastic Pumpkin's Hallowe'en Spooks-travaganza" written in black Sharpie on the back of an index card...

Oh, gosh! I'm sorry little guy please don't be sad! I didn't mean it. Please don't cry! Is there anything that I can do to make you happy again?

Of course I'll use your logo... it's a very fine logo indeed!

So, Plastic Jack, what do you think we'll see in this year's "Spooks-travaganza?"

You bet your sweet bippy there'll be old kid's mags.

If I can dig up my copy of "The Sims" then maybe...

Oh, the Fantastic Four will most definitely be making an appearance this Hallowe'en!


Did you just... never mind.

What do you think, PJ? Sound like a good time? Want to hang out 'til the end of the month and watch all the fun?



Right. So join us all this month for-

Say good night, Plastic Jack.

Wait! What!?!

I love you too, Plastic Jack. I love you too.

I think I need to call my eye doctor...


Max the drunken severed head said...

Laughing out loud here!

Steven A. said...

For goodness sake, don't laugh too hard! We don't want you rolling off of your platter...

Kirk D. said...

but he DID say something about the souls of blind children! I wasn't sure but then I realized I could scroll the page back up, so I did and he specifically said.. "and the souls of blind children." Get out of the house immediately!

Rozum said...

Very funny! If Plastic Jack gives you too much trouble, I've got a 12" Zuni Fetish doll that could probably scare him out of the house.

Steven A. said...

Hey, that scrolling thing is pretty handy! Thanks for pointing that out. And I would get out of the house, but someone seems to have changed all the locks on the doors and bricked over all the windows... I wish my landlady would give me some warning before she renovates!

And would you believe that "Zuni Fetish doll" was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw this guy in the toy bin? It's amazing how a thirty year old B-movie can warp your perspective for life.

SamRiddleurger said...

What is this that frees PJ so in storms?
What do his shouts amid lightnings and raging winds mean?

O to drink the mystic deliria deeper than any other man!
O savage and tender achings!

Steven A. said...

? ? ?

I'm sorry... I only get literary references that involve Karen Black.

And what exactly does a 'riddle urger' try to urge a riddle into doing?

Todd Franklin said...

Looks like Plastic Jack has something sinister up his sleeve! I hope you didn’t leave him in with all the other plastic pumpkins. Did you ever read Animal Farm?

Steven A. said...

There are so many things that PJ could be up to. I hadn't even thought of Animal Farm... hmmmm.